West of Scotland Hi-Fi Club

2009-2010 season

The Eastern Safari

The adventure was planned by our Chairman Alistair Biggar.  We would trek across country in our trusty vehicle braving the worst that this inhospitable climate could throw at us, struggling against all odds, with our most trusted Sherpa Gordon at the controls.  Our destination would be The East, where no sane being lived, and where only the foolhardiest explorer would consider buying a round - yes, we were bound for the Dalmahoy Hotel, where we had heard rumours that a rare display of exotic wild life had been spotted, masquerading as a HiFi show.

The plan was to set up a first base at Camp Biggar, rendezvousing at the crack of noon, ready to take the first step into the unknown.  Sherpa Gordon was late, not (we’re glad to relate) as in “the Late Sherpa Gordon”, but simply as in “not on time”.  Fortunately this setback had been anticipated, and all was not lost.

We eventually mustered for the off, and bravely cut a swathe through the hostile traffic to Camp Barr, in deepest Kingspark.  Our precious cargo was carefully loaded on to the transportation and we set a heading towards the rising sun.  At least, it would have been rising if we had been there several hours earlier.

We knew that we would have difficulty in negotiating our way out of the depths of this unfriendly country.  The first task of our guide was to navigate a safe passage to the Motorway, but it was some time before we saw any blue signs, and we almost ended up being captured by local savages, who followed us for a time, disguised as fellow travellers with attractive female

company.  However, our luck held, and we eventually saw proof that we were indeed approaching our goal - a sign saying “Welcome to Glasgow”.  Yes, I know, we were supposedly travelling East, but this sign was clearly a trap for the unwary, so we sensibly ignored it and pressed on.

The remainder of the journey was uneventful, not to mention boring, and we eventually arrived gratefully at our destination .  Inside was a maze of passageways and corridors, with strange, frightening sounds escaping from closed doors, and we hurriedly took cover in a quiet spot to plan our campaign.

We synchronised watches, and split up to reconnoitre the terrain, agreeing to meet in three-quarters of an hour at the watering hole to compare notes.  Checking that our two-way radios were working, we went our separate ways, with a sense of foreboding, mixed with a tinge of anticipation, or bravado - or was it foolhardiness?

Exciting, isn’t it!

There is nothing more spectacular than seeing the results of years of evolution on display in its natural habitat.  Some of the efforts of nature in its attempts to acquire an owner are truly unique.  This display of the common car radio (motorola commonalis) is particularly interesting, as it shows how the simple in-vehicle sound system has developed over the years to look like hi-fi, thus fooling the unwary purchaser .  Some strains of this beast even manage to look like a household clock.

And then there’s the recent revival of re-cycled plastic shaped to look like a floppy disk, only bigger and stiffer (you should be so lucky).  It is unclear to us today what use this device can have, except that it appears to involve some intricate mechanism which arranges, somehow, for angular momentum to be converted to sinusoidal motion via a rare and expensive crystalline substance, to which the young people of this part of the world seem strangely attracted.  These young people will not leave the area where these devices can be seen, occasionally grabbing a quick bite to eat when they can, or simply gazing longingly at the machinery.

Stranger still, the very existence of these disks of re-cycled plastic has its own effects.  The laws of natural selection come into play to great effect, and thus is set in train the development of a range of bizarre devices aimed at luring owners of these disks into a life of financial ruin.

Some of the other hunters on safari could be heard muttering about “transparency”, and thus it came as no surprise to discover that some of the wildlife displaying itself was attempting to become invisible, particularly those beings which made the most noise.  Others attempted to combine invisibility with disguise, and occasionally managed to look almost human, although this attempt frequently failed

But the most bizarre beings made absolutely no attempt to hide or disguise themselves, and even went as far as to draw attention to themselves by shining coloured lights, as if to say “look at me” .The excitement could not be sustained for long, however, and so we kept our rendezvous as planned at the watering hole

 No one was missing, thankfully, so we did not need to form a search party.  However, having exchanged observations on the hunt, and examined our catches (some of us are, regretfully, not green hunters, and insist on capturing some unfortunate specimen, to drag home and probably mount in a dark cupboard somewhere, never to be seen again) several of us returned once more to the hunt, in a last effort before the fading light made hunting impossible.  The more sensible of us remained in the hole, replenishing our depleted stores of sustenance and watching the darkness creep over us

We finally struck camp and sallied forth into the darkness.  Finding our transportation again was fairly straightforward, as we were the only explorers left in the reserve, and our vehicle stood eerily in the golden gloom awaiting our return

The journey back was uneventful, broken only by a stop to allow Sherpa Gordon to replenish the fuel in the vehicle’s tanks, and to allow Chairman Al the opportunity to dash off to the nearest hostelry for a small but extortionate carry-out which he graciously shared with those of us still able to hold a bottle.

Copyright Alistair Biggar
For problems or questions regarding this web contact albiggar@ntlworld.com 
Last updated: 03 May, 2009.